We’ve not been doing much decorating recently, unless you count being on the receiving end of several coats of baby sick over the last six months.
Our ‘decorator’ is baby Anna and, as many a new parent will say on repeat, she’s amazing. But there’s no denying that the first few months are tough. This was one of many things we were told before she was born, but there’s plenty that still surprises you once the big stuff’s out of the way.
So, in the hope of helping out other new mums and dads-to-be, here are a few of the curve balls – some really great and others slightly tricky – that might come your way during those smushy first few months.
You’ll find those sleepless nights useful
“I loved the sleepless nights and broken sleep”, said no-one ever – but they can be useful once you really can’t do any more social scrolling or news checks. Instagram will eventually tell you, quite smugly, that you’re all caught up on posts, and the midnight NCT group messages die down once everyone has said everything there is to say about feeling exhausted. Some mums have their headphones on hand for night feeds and rattle through a never-watched sitcom. Once I got used to being awake and stopped nodding off during feeds (doh) I started writing in the night, tracked down a few pensions I’d lost track of and planned the next day’s meals when I made a very half-arsed attempt at Veganuary.
You’ll learn your real priorities in life
You might not leave the house for days, or travel much further than the post box, but feeding, entertaining and comforting a young baby keeps you really busy – especially if you give birth to a crazy non-napper. Those non-essential habits (remember body brushing, anyone?) and addictive crime dramas drop away instantly when you have very limited amounts of me-time and – in a really boring version of ‘Would you rather?’ – you’ll quickly figure out your priorities in life. Like:
- You have one minute ’til baby meltdown. Do you run for a wee or down the boiling hot mug of tea?
- The rocking chair’s about to lose its magical powers. Foundation or mascara?
Ironically, this is the point in life when you actually need ALL the make-up.
You become ‘mum’
No big surprise, this one. You have a baby, you become ‘mum’. But it’s a huge change to get your head around. Within a few months of starting maternity leave, work life becomes a distant memory and, regardless of your perfect nap routine or baby’s early rolling skills, you stop earning your keep. You’re not fighting your corner in meetings or smashing client pitches. Your identity completely changes as you plough everything into raising your mini-me, and your definition of a successful day becomes one with no tears, or a really engaging baby class. It’s a really weird and sometimes negative feeling, but not everyone gets to have a baby or to have time off with them in their first year. I usually tell myself, when feeling this way, to stop being an ungrateful wench and embrace it because it’ll be over before I know it.
You’ll meet the loveliest strangers
Road rage, pavement hogging, people who like anchovies… strangers can be awful. But whack a baby on your hip and look a bit tired and you instantly get their best side. Not once have we felt any sort of negativity. Everyone just looks, smiles, asks questions. And while there’s always one who might lean in a bit too close, they all mean well. You’ll be inundated with offers to hold the baby while you inhale your lunch (whether you accept them is up to you!) and be eternally grateful to supermarket staff who look out for you and help out as you realise that no, you can’t push a pram and a full-size trolley at the same time. Been there, learnt my lesson.
OPINIONS
This doesn’t need much explanation, but from the second you tell someone you’re pregnant you’ll get opinions. Some can be incredibly helpful but others can be judgey, preachy and – the worst – conflicting. My advice (otherwise known as.. an opinion) is to build your own small circle of people to ask when you’re just not sure about something. A few mums with babies of a similar age, a seasoned mum who’s seen and done it all, a couple of trusted websites (beware of forums which can just cause confusion) and your health visitor or midwife.
Your family will lose the plot
However sane you think your family is… it’s not. Throw a baby into the mix, especially a first family baby, and everyone will lose their shit. You’ll see them make facial expressions and noises you never knew existed and even the most serious of uncles will go to mush. OF COURSE it’s because they love them to bits, but prepare for an adjustment period, and to feel a little invisible when you rock up and everyone races to the pram. I hadn’t anticipated this at all. Typically the madness is most full on in the early days, but every family’s different.
You’ll know every coffee shop menu (and the best seats)
Whatever the reason and pretty much whoever you’re meeting, there will be talk of coffee and cake at least a few times a week. Mum life is hard, and sugar and caffeine make the most simple yet excellent reward after a tough day.
You’ll also change the way you eat. However quickly or slowly you finished your meals before baby, you’ll adopt three approaches:
- Tiny mouthfuls at a time, carefully spooned over the feeding/sleepy baby on your lap (and not without the odd morsel splatting onto their head)
- Huge chunks devoured in minutes before baby wakes up or needs a feed
- The shove-it-all-in approach, most common when you finally get time for
aseven biscuits you’ve been thinking about all morning and you hear baby stirring. Just GET IT ALL IN and run. It’s definitely not sexy but is an essential skill.
You’ll get good at charades
I never realised how loud babies cry. So when you’re in the middle of a full scale meltdown and try to make a suggestion to your partner in crime.. they won’t hear you. The first month of parenthood was mainly us saying “WHAT?” to each other. Maybe agree some vital hand signals in advance 😉
The Decorator 